Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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