i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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