walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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