i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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