Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
