Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
