I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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