Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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