smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
