Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
