OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
