Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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