I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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