Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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