"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
