Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
