There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think i have two assholes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
