I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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