Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
