sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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