I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
is it fun? or sober?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
