I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize