my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
