There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
