my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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