what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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