You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
