My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need to stop coming to work sober
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
