Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
