Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
