She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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