your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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