I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
