He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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