A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
