looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
