No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
