For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
