I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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