You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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