We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
