she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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