I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
