So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
