Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm having to shit out rocks
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
