My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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