my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
