I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
