Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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