I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
