he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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