I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
