so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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