she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
