So gin and wine won't be happening again
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
