its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
