Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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