Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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