if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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