What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
