If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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