this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
