i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Watching her eat just hurts me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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