i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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