Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
