Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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