mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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