I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
