I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I want her autograph on my taint
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
