Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
